8pm to 5am

Robbie’s finally  back after three weeks on Phuket! Whooppeeeee. Sad that he leaves again tomorrow but at least we got four precious days together.

On Saturday night, our odd neighbour (small, quietly spoken over-sharer of personal news) invited us to his birthday party. For some odd reason, we decided to go. Live a little 😉 Armed with a decent bottle of red wine and a six pack of Chang Beer, we knocked on his door.

I was promptly poured red wine from a box (as I sadly watched my red vanish into a locked pantry) and shoved outside to sit between a loud south londoner with the worse ‘common’ accent ever and his shy Thai wife. Here is a summary of the people and my odd yet strangly fun evening:

  • Stephano – crazy Italian man, slightly sleezy (you can just tell), very expressive with his arms and hands flying all over the place. He told me how he hates living on this street because he can’t ‘take a different girl home every night without everyone knowing about it in the morning’
  • One-eyed Thai dude. It was so strange. We were all sitting there eating and drinking, and this guy walks in, pulls up a chair and starts eating. He then knocked over his plate and beer and left soon after. I am convinced he was just a construction worker from the block next door scoring a free meal.
  • Birthday Boys Thai Wife: also a total over-sharer. She plonked down next to me (very beautiful lady) and immediately told me that she and her husband had been trying for five years for a child to no avail, and she blames his drinking and smoking.
  • Birthday Boy: Plonked down next to me at a later stage and whispered ‘do you know the condition schizophrenia?’ Well, turns out his wife suffers from it and he is only staying with her out of guilt because she nursed him after he broke both legs racing cars 2 years ago.
  • Nutty British Divorcee Nurse: A real energy vacuum and verbal black hole. She just talked and talked and talked about herself for hours. She admitted to measuring mens willies when she was a nurse and pointed out that everything they say about black men is true.

What I find so odd about parties thrown by foreign men and their Thai wives, is there is always two parties. One table with back-less stools where the Thai’s sit and cook their food, and another table with biggar chairs (for generally biggar asses) for the farangs. People come and go, slipping in from outside and rummaging about in the kitchen before disappearing again. I know there must be a system, but if felt like the entire street was eating and drinking on this guy.

Home at 5am. The next day we moved our spareroom king size  bed into the lounge and spent the entire day lying on it, watching Desperate Housewives Season 7, ordering pizza and sticky chewy double chocolate ice cream, sleeping and slipping finny bits of pepperoni.

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